My Turf

Dear God,

I pray for utmost patience. More than any other time, now is when I need it. My entire being has been itching to give a piece of my mind, but I know it will just get me in deeper shit than necessary.

I pray for people who seem to have merely grown older but have never really grown up. Give me the discernment and prudence I need to be able to deal with them correctly.

I pray for strength. I am being made to suffer for being vocal about what I believe in. I sometimes fear that I truly am nearing my breaking point.

I apologize for the previous day’s outburst. I apologize for taking offense and rasing my voice when I shouldn’t have. Help me choose my battles and fight them with grace.

Give me wisdom. I do not want to cause any more pain than I already have. 

Give those in position wisdom and strength, too. I cannot hope to win this fight without them. Give them courage to fight for what is just. Help them rediscover their confidence in their own capacity to go against pillars that have long been standing in the wrong places.

Help me keep my faith in people’s goodness because when difficulties like this arise, I begin to seriously question it. Help me remember that there is a nice side to everyone. Help me remember that every person has a reason for doing the things he or she does. Help me remember that it is very possible that my interpretations of their motives are simply being affected negatively by my anger. Help me remember that there is an end to this episode I am in now. Help me remember that you have blessed me with emotional and mental faculties that will help me sail through this.

Help me be able to keep my worries to myself. Help me keep my mouth shut. Help me be strong so I wil not complain.

Help me. Help me. Help me.

Anger is seeping into my system and there are times when I feel I could no longer resist.

God, I do not know what I just might end up doing if this thing I am up against persists and the very little that is left of my restraint finally runs out.

One of my favorite feel-good songs of late is a cut from the Jesus Christ Superstar OST: Everything’s Alright.

This week has been a truly crazy one. I have been getting more sleep than usual, owing to the major stress in the office that often comes with month-ends. Then, there’s also stress stemming from misunderstandings here and there that cannot really be helped. Yet, more than 8 hours of slumber seem insufficient to give my mind the rest it really needs. Each morning, I wake up still feeling extremely tired.

The past few days, so many reasons to feel sad, frustrated, and depressed have cropped up. Then again, I give myself several minutes of unburdening (i.e. crying silently in the privacy of the bathroom or my work station), put on my earphones, listen to this soothing song, and I feel better.

Try not to get worried.

Try not to turn on the problems that upset you.

Don’t you know everything’s alright. Yes, everything’s fine.

And we want you to sleep well tonight.

Let the world turn without you tonight.

Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax.

Think of nothing tonight. 

I cannot choose how I’ll feel about persons and situations, but I can certainly choose what thoughts to dwell on. The multitude of things that I can be thankful for still outweighs those that are unfavorable. Moreover, the belief that things cannot be all bad and that life will be better one day remains very comforting.

All is well, child. All is well. 

I am not to be underestimated, dah’lin.

Vindication tastes and feels oh-so-good.