A rare lazy Sunday yesterday.

I was channel-hopping when I chanced upon Jerry Maguire on HBO. It’s not really on my list of favorite flicks, but I sure love the dialogue (before the lines, “You complete me” and “You had me at hello” became old and oh-so-overused) and I truly adore the kid who played Ray. This got me thinking (again) about love, relationships, and all other things connected to it.

Oddly, watching Jerry Maguire brought on memories of other similarly-themed movies. Naisip ko na ang dami-dami palang pelikulang may friends-turned-lovers/ enemies-turned-lovers plot, at halos lahat ng mga ito ay talagang pumatok!

Nangunguna na siguro sa listahan ang My Best Friend’s Wedding starring Julia Roberts. Panalo sa kilig at kurot sa puso ang pelikulang ito. Ang galing pa kung paano napagmukhang kontrabida ang bida, na pagdating sa dulo, hindi na tuloy malinaw sa iyo bilang audience kung na-kanino ba ang sympathy mo.

Sa enemies-turned-lovers theme naman,  I especially like the Star Cinema classic, May Minamahal, with Aiko Melendez (na sexy pa noon) and Aga Muhlach. This movie also adopts the mahirap-mayaman/langit-ka-lupa-ako type of romance. Maraming cliché, pero mas maraming kilig moments. Pinaka-naaalala ko sa movie na ‘to yung scene na nasa duyan si Aiko and Aga, and Aga said, “I love you” for the first time, before breaking out into embarrassed laughter and exclaiming, “Baduy!”

Another Star Cinema fave is Sharon Cuneta and Aga Muhlach’s Kung Ako Na Lang Sana. I really loved this film, except for the fact na hindi bagay physically sina Sharon at Aga kasi mukha silang mag-tiyahin. Pero panalo ang screenplay! 

Because of the sheer increase in the number of films and TV drama series that follow such love plots, you couldn’t help but wonder if almost, if not all, have experienced some dilemma brought about by an involuntary falling for a friend or for a person one initially despised.

Kahit sa TV drama, local or international, laging hit na hit ang ganitong themes. Former rivals/ enemies or best friends na nagka-in love-an despite all odds. Ross and Rachel of Friends. Ben and Ally in Ally McBeal. Ultimo sina Dorina at Oman in Bituing Walang Ningning. Tapos alam mo kung ano ang pinaka-panalong I-love-you-best-friend quote for me? It’s from the series, Smallville, yung sinabi ni Chloe sa best friend nyang si Clark when he was lying unconscious in a hospital. Chloe said, “I want to let you in on a secret. I’m not who you think I am. In fact, my disguise is so thin, I’m surprised you haven’t seen right through me. I’m the girl of your dreams masquerading as your best friend…”  AWWW.

It is no different in real life. Susme, kahit saan ka yata lumingon, meron at meron kang mahahanap na girl, boy, bakla, tomboy (butiki-baboy) na may storya about falling in love with a close friend. There’s a very, very thin line separating a purely platonic relationship with a romantic one. A tight friendship between two people from the opposite sex is in itself already very special (not to say that girl-girl or boy-boy best friendship is not, but in my opinion, boy-girl best friends are just really something else). Add to that constant close proximity and an unspoken exclusivity and it wouldn’t take long for emotional dependency to follow. All of a sudden, you begin to feel like there’s a void when the person is not around. “Asan ka? Baket hindi ka tumawag/nag-page/nag-text? Pinuntahan kita, pero wala ka don. Sinong kasama mo?” Para kayong mag-jowa pero hindi. Then panic creeps in. Napapa-hirit ka na sa sarili mo ng, “What’s happening to me?!”

At first there’s denial. Then you start to consider the possibilities, before you finally accept the predicament you’ve gotten yourself into. Does acceptance make things simpler? Not at all. It further complicates things. Because then you begin searching between the lines for subliminal meanings that may not even be there. You read into every word, every action, yearning to find the smallest clue that might reveal how the other person feels towards you. Wala naman yatang na-in love na hindi umasa.   

Ang susunod na challenge is keeping a straight face kahit kinikilig. O naiinis. O nagseselos. Tapos yung pag-maintain ng friendship kahit gusto mo na lang mag-disappear para makalimutan mo na sya. Hahaha! But you know that that would be unfair, cause you also have certain responsibilities as a friend. Kahit gusto mo nang magpaka-layo-layo so you could move on, you know it wouldn’t be right to just walk away simply because you couldn’t keep your feelings at bay. So you stay. And the agonizing saga continues…    

Next dilemma: To tell or not to tell. That is the question. Personally, I think it depends on the kind of relationship you have and your own level of maturity. When I was younger, I sort of “blurted out” my feelings for a really close friend. Not that it was planned, but it is still something I do not regret, even now. The night after that, he called and said, “I just wanted to let you know that it’s okay,” (siguro mejo nag-panic din sya cause I was really at a loss after that slip), tapos nag-usap pa rin kami like usual. The days that followed were no different. This is the kind of friendship I am telling you about. We both acknowledged na nakakailang talaga yung nangyari, but we decided to face it head-on, instead of pretending none of it ever happened. I have to give it to him, too. He was never dismissive about the entire thing. Nor did he trivialize what I told him as something that would just pass or “wala lang.” If you’re confident that your relationship is already at that level at that your friend treasures you more than silly “ilang”, then you can trust that you wouldn’t lose him/her regardless of what you decide to confess. I didn’t. In fact, we are still very good friends to this day. Sya yung tipong ha-hunting-in ko at kukunin kong Ninong ng anak ko kahit matagal ko syang di makita or kung nasang lupalop man sya ng earth nandon. Ganyan. J 

Moving on to another topic. Merong mas mahirap sa “I fell in love with my best friend” scenario. Ito ay ang “I am gay and I fell in love with my straight friend” scenario. I have a gay friend who had feelings for a girl pal. He said he found it weird that he couldn’t pursue her because, “Well, she’s a girl!” So ibig sabihin ba nito hindi na kayo pwede kasi bakla ka at dapat ang bakla ay para lang sa bakla din? Kay lungkot naman. In the same way that men and women are, technically, looked down upon by the conservatives in society when they choose to have relationships with someone from the same sex, gays who fall in love with those from the opposite sex are, again, burdened with an implicit need to prove the sincerity of their feelings. Parang ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ situation ito. Hindi ka pwede ma-in love sa lalaki, kasi lalaki ka din. Pero pag na-establish mo na na bakla ka, hindi ka rin pwede ma-in love sa babae kasi nga, being gay, dapat hindi kayo talo! Ang classic TV dramas na lagi kong naaalala sa ganitong usapan eh yung Maalaala Mo Kaya episodes na Aiza Seguerra-Patrick Garcia (akala ni Patrick tomboy si Aiza, yun pala, hindi!), and yung Keempee de Leon-Manilyn Reynes (bading si Keempee at na-in love siya sa straight girl na si Manilyn).

Sigh.

Eh baket nga ba may boundaries ang love? If you’ve read Arundhati Roy’s God of Small Things, the author wrote about the negativities of living in a society that “tells you who to love, and how, and how much.” Why can’t we just love who we will, freely and with abandon?