**From PostSecret

For years, I thought I couldn’t do without you. You brought inspiration, relaxation, needed boost, great company…but even then, I was already guiltily aware that you’re bad for me.

You were a constant in my life for almost a decade (that was a nine-year love affair, to be exact), but you were causing more trouble than I was willing to deal with. So in 2005, I finally mustered enough will power to let you go.

When this new year comes in, the official count would be 730 days since I bid you goodbye. And I am, much to my own surprise, not only getting by, but even doing pretty well at staying away from you.

Not to say that I was never remiss in the entire two-year period. There are just moments that are best shared or celebrated only with you and nothing else (ooh, i hate how you can be so irresistible sometimes). A nine-year habit is no joke to kick off.

However, each time such yearning threatens to intensify, I reluctantly look for other distractions to push all thoughts of you away.

It is all for the best.

This is the song Adam Sandler’s character in the movie, 50 First Dates composed for Lucy, the girl with short-term memory loss portrayed by Drew Barrimore. While I am not afflicted by that disease (I sure do hope not!), I really, really despise how I seem to just forget what I am thinking about the instant my attention is caught by something else.

I rush to a room only to forget what I went there for in the first place. I shout out in frustration when I couldn’t find an object I was just holding less than a minute ago. I could watch a movie and totally forget the plot. I could read a book or a magazine and not remember a single thing. In a conversation, even while I am intently listening and trying my best to focus, my mind just seems to fly and before I know it, I have already forgotten what the other person’s concern is–and I know this is just mighty frustrating for the one I’m conversing with each time I ask, “Sorry, ano nga ulit yun?” And I know it’s not easy, if not downright impossible, to accept my forgetfulness as an excuse. I always forget where I place my things, especially my cellphone—ah, thank God for ever-reliable Wendell who is always at the right place, at the right time, that my phone is always brought back safely in my hands. In two separate shoots, I thought I had lost my phone when I just left it somewhere in the bathroom (na-discover lang ng isang crew) and, in another shoot, on top of the stairs (Putek, pano napunta yun don!?)

I honestly fear that I would develop Alzheimer’s in a few years’ time.

Therefore, I’d like to record all the important things that have happened in my life just so I have a way to remember in case my memory just collapses and my mind is left blank.

A life without any memory of the past. Boy, that would be really terrible…

Little Joys

I just went back to work yesterday, having been absent since Wednesday last week. Tinrangkaso pa ko nung weekend hanggang Monday, so nung isang araw lang ako nakabalik sa trabaho. Masyado kasing nakakapagod yung mga pinaggagawa ko the past few weeks, especially with the culmination of two writing projects. I guess all the stress just took its toll, and my body could no longer keep up.

Oo nga pala, eto ang update: I just moved to a new home. Again. My sister found a better place, but it’s still on the same street and just two houses away from where we used to stay. We had to beat the November 30 deadline given to us by our former landlady on very short notice, though. Hence, the entire Thursday was spent hurriedly packing, then hauling all our stuff to the new apartment, then unpacking yet again…sigh. Super hate ko talagang maglipat, pero parang halos every year yata eh lumilipat ako ng bahay. This is actually the 4^th apartment I’ve moved into in less than three years. Well, we finished cleaning all the rooms before midnight. It was tiring, but knowing that we’ll be staying in a nicer house from then on is just worth it. 

The next day, Friday, I woke up sore and aching all over. Good thing it was a non-working holiday, so the whole day I just rested and feasted on my new DVD finds. Ayos yung mga selections sa St. Francis Square in Ortigas (sorry sa mga anti-piracy advocates, but I’m a movie fan who, sadly, couldn’t afford originals)!

27th National Quiz Bee Grand Finals

Saturday was truly hectic. It was the Grand Finals of the National Quiz Bee. Imagine, this academic competition was launched in 1979, the year I was born! Who would have thought one of the babies born on the year of its inception would eventually be writing for it? Kakatuwa, di ba?!

As I took in all the colorful scenes, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. Although that day offered a mere glimpse of our country’s rich, diverse culture and heritage, I was still left gawking. The sight was just splendid. 

   

Buhay Writer

In different ways, it was all the activities from the previous week paved the way for many realizations for me. These first came to me during the Colgate-Palmolive product launch. Ako kasi nagsulat ng live script for the event at nung mga AVPs nila (tsong, ang hirap palang magsulat for a corporate client!). It was only then that the essence of what I do dawned on me and I started to actually realize the important role that a writer plays in a production. I really don’t know why, pero hindi ko naiisip ang lahat ng ito dati kahit mejo matagal-tagal na rin akong nagsusulat.   

At the Colgate-Palmolive Product Launch. Beaming at the camera–script in hand.

As the writer, sa’yo kasi manggagaling ang foundation, ang guideline…you first set the path, the tone which the director and the rest of the crew would execute. I was secretly beaming (kahit na alam kong it was not meant to give me praise. Hehe) nung sinabi nung event director in the pre-production meeting na, “In this event, this script is our bible.” Tapos during setup, almost all the members of the crew were holding copies of the script, consulting it every now and then, using it as a basis for what has to be done next. Not to say that the writer is the most important part of the production–all I’d like to emphasize is that the writer is also key to the success of the entire process.

Ang pinakanakakakilabot na part para sa akin is pag umaandar na yung palabas tapos, what used to be mere words and pictures in your head, ay nakikita na ng lahat. Yung dating nasa imahinasyon mo lang, naging bahagi na ng realidad ng lahat ng nanonood o nakikinig. But more than this, it is the effect of what you wrote on the audience that really makes it worth it. I believe that is where the wonder and the beauty and the power of the written work come in. It is, all at the same time, rewarding, terrifying, and humbling to know that with writing, you could influence an opinion or decision, push for a belief, stir an emotion, move people to action, spark the birth of new ideas, or at least elicit a reaction regardless of scale.

Buhay Production

Enjoy din pala ang maging bahagi ng crew sa isang live event. Nakaka-miss yung pressure. Iba kasi ang production ng AVP or ng commercial. Pag may mali, pwedeng mag-cut. Pag may kailangang ayusin, may panahon pang mag-revise. Kung may imperfection ang talent o may problema sa set, mare-retoke pa sa editing. Digital technology makes the entire video production process slightly easier and lessens the pressure.

Pero iba sa live! Talagang parang Energizer bunnies ang mga tao! Intense pressure comes from the knowledge that you are given but one chance to do it right. Sa isang live show, hindi mo na maitatama ang mali, hindi mo na maiaayos ang tapos na. Mahahasa ka talaga sa “Forget it and move on!” Tapos para kang biglang nagiging genius, ang bilis mong mag-isip (putek, nalaglag yung banneeeerrr!). Lahat ng inaakala mong hindi mo kaya, kaya mo pala (aba, you get to instruct those corporate bigwigs what to do onstage! Hah!). The slightest display of panic could mean the end of your career, kaya for at least one full hour, until the show is finally over, buhay na buhay ang diwa, ready to remedy the slightest flaw. 

Feeling ko, ang isa sa pinakamagandang training na nakuha ko sa org ko nung college, ang Broad Ass (Broadcasting Association po ‘yun at hindi ‘bastos org’!) ay yung kahit papano, naiintindihan ko ang ugly aspect ng production. Talagang naka-instill sa’yo ang linyang, “Walang personalan, trabaho lang!” Lagi ko ngang sinasabi sa mga tao na kung ikaw ay ma-emote, ma-drama, at balat-sibuyas, WAG KANG MAGPO-PRODUCTION! Kasi darating at darating ang panahon na masisigawan ka at maninigaw ka. Sa Broad Ass kasi noon, mag-murahan o mag-sigawan man kayo sa rehearsals and sa mismong show, alam niyong it’s just because of the pressure, at kaya niyo pa ring masyang mag-inuman ng walang plastikan pagkatapos. Being cranky in production does not necessarily mean that you’re crumbling or losing grace under pressure. Minsan kasi, shouting or prodding or shoving (violence? Hehe) really is necessary to get the job done on time and up to standards–at dapat naiintindihan niyong lahat yun. Ibang klase din talaga ang training na nakuha ko sa Broad Ass, both as an applicant and more so as a member: quick thinking, readiness for instances when Murphy’s Law applies (Anything that could go wrong will), having backup plans (‘di lang dapat Plan B! Dapat hanggang Plan Z meron!) and most importantly, knowing your place and just doing the part assigned to you (pucha, kung PA ka, PA ka! Wag ka ma-offend kung utos-utusan ka!) at higit sa lahat, ang wag maging ma-emote pagdating sa trabaho. Honestly speaking, pagkatapos ng Broad Ass, at maging estudyante nina Ma’am Rose Feliciano and Ma’am Evelyn David na parehong Assers-slash-Masscomm terrors, kahit saan mo yata ako isabak at kahit sinong makatrabaho ko, I could always find a way to adjust and deliver.