This might help…
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Teen Suicide
“It was a terrible feeling…it was so confusing. I had more questions than answers when I heard my friend telling me that Jeanie* is gone.”
This is all that Andy*, the friend of a 19-year old girl who just committed suicide, could say when asked how he felt about what happened. Jeanie* was a member of one of her university’s top choral groups. She was a consistent honor student with lots of talents to boot. She came from a good, well-off family. Always perky and upbeat, Jeanie had a knack for winning over each person she encountered, and was like sunshine to her peers’ seemingly mundane days. That is why every soul who found out that she killed herself by drinking poison was struck with outrage. “Oh no, not Jeanie!”
One question rang loudest on her loved ones’ minds: Why did Jeanie, a young girl who seemed to have it all, choose to end such a beautiful life?
It was later found out that Jeanie was extremely dejected over her breakup with a long-time boyfriend. And it did not help at all that some of the people she indirectly ran to for help were unable to recognize the magnitude of her problem, and had mistaken what she’s going through as a simple phase that would eventually pass. Jeanie’s depression over her loss, perhaps aggravated by the feeling of helplessness, pushed her to kill herself.
Jeanie’s case is not an isolated one. In fact a series of teen suicides has occurred over the past few months, leaving one to wonder why this seems to have suddenly become an epidemic among adolescents. A recent study shows that suicide has become a 3rd leading cause of death among those 15-25 years of age, right up there with cancer and homicide.
The rate of teen suicide, although not as large as in other age groups, is still cause for much alarm. Most people would be quick to attribute suicide to weakness or lunacy, but there are indeed more reasons behind it than meets the eye. What causes the young people to commit suicide and how could this be helped? This should be ample reason for us to probe deeper into the issue of Teen Suicide: its causes and symptoms, and the possible means for prevention.
What pushes a teen to commit suicide?
It is a known fact that suicidal behaviors are often associated with depression. Aleja dela Cruz, a counselor from the teen-counseling hotline Dial-A-Friend, explains that “Recent stressful events can trigger suicidal behavior, particularly in an impulsive youth. Since adolescents are in a stage of transition, different changes that they may find confusing occur. That is why a lot of incidents may provoke an adolescent to commit suicide.”
Although it may be true that not everyone who is depressed is a suicidal risk, this does not negate the fact that a clear connection between depression and suicide still exists. Teens who thought, or are thinking, of suicide may be facing problems that for them are so overwhelming, that death becomes more preferable to life. Suicide becomes a possible escape alternative for someone who feels that the pain is more than he/she can cope with. Barry Greenwald, Ph.D. discussed in his article, Loneliness, Depression, and Suicide some of the major factors that could cause depression.
Dr. Greenwald said although clinical depression could also be attributed to a biochemical disorder, this should not be used as a reason to overlook the psychological components that are essential in understanding the condition of the suffering individual. He divided the psychological factors that could set off depression into four major categories:
· Failure to live up to ideal
“Anger turned inward against the self” is one primary cause for depression. The inability to meet set expectations or standards often accounts for low self-esteem, making one feel inept and insecure. That is why bad grades or a failed exam could cause depression to a teen who feels extremely pressured to excel in school. They get angry with themselves because they have not achieved or done what they believe they should have.
· Problems expressing anger
Some people opt to blame themselves for everything that happens, even things that are not their fault. Dr. Greenwald asserts that difficulty expressing anger towards other people is dangerous because it only drives the negative emotion “…beneath the surface and forces it to find a more indirect avenue for expression.”
· Reactions to life events
Strong, reactive depressions are often brought about by certain inevitable events. These include endings, separations, losses, and death that are hard for most people to cope with, especially the adolescents who have less means to deal with the pain. As Dr. Greenwald put it, the healing period that comes after such events is usually a “slow process and often a confusing time as people try to work out how their life is going to be now.”
· Empathic failures
Depression could also occur when one feels misunderstood or taken for granted by people he/she cares about. Dr. Greenwald points out that, “When important people fail to understand, recognize, acknowledge, appreciate, or respond in a way that we hoped they would, that can be a sufficient injury to produce a depression.” These reactions often cause the hurting person to feel even more unworthy or less important.
Telltale signs of depression
Untreated Depression is the number one cause of suicide. However, depression could be manifested in many different forms and its depth is often hard to detect. If a loved one just went through a life episode that you think could be difficult for him or her to handle, it is safest to just be ready to offer support to counter the depression that might follow. There is a possibility that the depressive event has triggered thoughts of suicide in the person. Aleja dela Cruz of Dial-A-Friend claims there are certain behaviors that could be seen as danger signs of suicide and should be watched out for. These include sleeping problems, loss of appetite, isolation, withdrawal, hopelessness, crying spells, giving away personal possessions, shortened attention span, sudden drop in school performance or school attendance problems.
How to help someone who may be suicidal
Some people, especially those who are already past their teens, find it quite difficult to understand why some adolescents resort to suicide. It must be understood, however, that even adults have a tough time dealing with stressful events. Depressive experiences are perhaps even more grueling for teenagers who have less resources and means to solve or cope with their own problems. Most of them are still very much dependent on adult support and are still struggling to understand themselves and their environment. As one article on suicide contends, “Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”
Perhaps one of, if not the most important, way to prevent suicide is to never ignore a call or a signal for help. No matter how seemingly feeble or insignificant it is. Ambivalence is an important factor in this psychological conflict. This means that even if the person is contemplating suicide, there’s still a part of him/her that wants to live. It is therefore essential to understand that a “Rescuer” resides in each one of us. Should you begin to sense that a loved one may be in the process of committing suicide, it is best to make it your responsibility to provide help and assistance so that his/her life could be saved.
Here are some ways to help a person who may be suicidal:
1. Take him/her seriously. It is not true that people who joke or talk about suicide will not do it. Give immediate attention to anyone who expresses suicidal feelings. Keep in mind that suicidal behavior is actually a call for help. More importantly, do not easily dismiss a teen’s concern as juvenile or shallow. What may be easy for you to deal with may already be overwhelming for him or her. Do everything you can to reduce the depressed person’s pain.
2. Listen. Sometimes, all that a person needs is to know that he/she is not alone and that someone understands his/her concerns. Pain could be more easily dealt with when the fear of rejection or being judged is eliminated. Knowing that you could be run to for help could play a major role in a person’s decision in choosing life over death.
3. Urge the person to seek professional help. If the person has troubles that you think you cannot handle, it is best to encourage him to get help from professionals who could provide timely and appropriate interventions.
Conclusion
“Pag nagpakamatay kaya ako, papansinin na ako ni Marc?”
Jeanie’s friends claim that on the night she committed suicide, she jokingly told anybody in the party who’d care to listen that she would kill herself. But nobody took her seriously. They even laughed and teased her that she “…could never do a thing like that.” A few hours after, not a single smiling face could be seen as Jeanie was being rushed to the hospital, her mouth foaming.
“It’s an eye-opener.” her friend, Andy, sadly admitted. “We never thought anyone close to our age could commit suicide.” It is indeed very hard to see suicide for the reality that it is until it hits home. People recognize its existence but tend to be oblivious to the possibility that it could also happen to someone close to them. Suicide is seen as something so tragic and terrible that many do not even want to entertain thoughts about it. But as Jeanie’s and many other teens’ cases have proven, suicide does strike; when it’s least expected, sometimes even to the most unlikely people.
The tragedy that befell Jeanie’s loved ones is indeed sad and painful. However, it is likewise an experience that teenagers and adults alike could learn from. “I hate it when I hear people say, ‘Sayang naman si Jeanie.’ Her life was not put to waste at all. There were a lot of lives she touched and changed.” Jeani’es passing undeniably caused much grief, but the joy she brought to the people around her when she was still alive is incomparable. That is why Jeanie’s family and friends are trying their best to see through the pain and the guilt. Instead, they are now looking for possible means to be able to help increase society’s awareness on the issue of suicide.
Suicide should not be treated as if it were a cause for embarrassment to the victim’s family and friends. Information dissemination will play a big role in making more people understand suicide and the circumstances that could possibly lead to it. Refusing to look at the gravity of suicide will not make this reality go away. Tackling the problem head-on may not either, but it at least gives us a better chance. Perhaps in the future, there will be no more Jeanies, and A.R. Santiagos, and Camille Ilustres. No more thoughts of wasted future, overwhelming guilt, and young lives lost.
One very essential lesson that Andy realized from what happened to Jeanie is to “…never underestimate a person’s concern. Never take a friend for granted.” Cliché, yes, but it is true. We never really know when something as seemingly inconsequential as a hug, or expression of affection, or an hour’s worth of listening could save a life.
When you are feeling suicidal…
If you are being bogged down or tremendously bothered by problems that you find difficult to bring up or discuss even with your family or friends, call the Dial-A-Friend hotline. Dial-A-Friend is a counseling program that aims to provide professional and appropriate interventions to adolescents and young adults in difficult times.
You do not have to hack that problem alone or be paralyzed by you fear of being judged or rejected. Be it a crisis about boy-girl relationships, parent-child relationships, peer pressure, self-esteem concerns, sexual identity, substance abuse, career planning, marital problems and sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs), even sexual harassment, date rape and domestic violence, the trained peer counselors will listen to you and help you with what you’re going through.
Dial-A-Friend operates in Metro Manila and has four telephone hotlines that you could call for help from 10 AM to 10 PM:
(632) 734-8902 / (632) 734-8903