New Health Drink

My officemate, Mike,  told me this amusing anecdote. When he was working for another company, their team agreed to give a Brit expat a taste of Filipino hospitality and brought him to a restaurant in Makati.

At the restaurant, a waitress approached their table and took their orders for drinks. Most of them ordered soft drinks and beer. Their visitor said, “Bourbon, please.”

After several minutes, the soft drinks and the beer came. But no Bourbon. Mike then whispered to the waitress, “Miss, nasaan yung Bourbon?”

The waitress earnestly replied, “Ay, Sir. Wala na po kasing Bear Brand. Alpine na lang po ang meron.”

(Cut to Ang TV kids saying, “Nyeeee!”)

After the waitress left, the Brit expat asked Mike, “What did she say?”

Mike answered, “Never mind. Just order whiskey, dude.”

Iced Beer, please!

“Pahingi ng beer na may ice,” a friend’s father ordered the maid.  When more than ten minutes had passed and the maid still hasn’t given his beer, my boss’s father angrily went to the kitchen to ask what the hell happened to his beer.

Turns out he no longer needed to ask the question and what he saw caused his anger to simply disappear. In the kitchen, the maid was painstakingly pounding the ice and carefully inserting the crushed bits into the tiny mouth of the beer bottle.

Eh sabi pu kasi ni koya beer na may ice daw eh.

Stop!

Now this one is a first-hand experience. This happened over 4 years ago. We just moved  from our home in Mindanao Avenue to another house in Tandang Sora. To make unpacking easier, we instructed the maid to label each box so that she wouldn’t have a hard time identifying which stuff should go where.

Soon as all the boxes were unloaded, I immediately asked for the boxes where she placed all my things. She pointed me to a stack of boxes in the corner.

As I approached the heap, one particular box caught my attention. And it didn’t take long before it really cracked me up. The box was labeled, “STOP TOY.” My suspicion was confirmed when I opened the box: inside it were my old dolls and “stuffed toys.”

Baket tama naman sya ah, di nga naman gumagalaw ang mga toys. Naka-“stop” sila. Hahaha!

Wag gambalain si God!

On another day, I once again overheard Little Miss Stop Toy making another boo-boo. She was singing as she wiped the table. I immediately recognized the song as Gary V.’s Natutulog Ba Ang Diyos. The singing was not off-key or anything, but her lyrics certainly were!

She sang (at feel na feel nya pa ito), “Wag mo sanang gambalain…natutulog pa ang Diyoooosss!”

As the old saying goes, “Biruin mo na ang lasing, wag lang ang bagong gising.” Kaya wag mo gambalain ang natutulog. Lalo na pag si God sya.

Simone!

A couple with their friends in a videoke bar. Boyfriend was singing some English song. Girlfriend was not really paying attention until she heard him singing, “Simone! Simone!” She wondered to herself, “Anong kanta yung ‘Simone!’”

She turned her eyes to the TV to read the lyrics. Ang nakalagay pala ay, “C’mon! C’mon!””

At super seryoso si boyfriend dito ha!