My Turf

They say there is a marked difference between alone and lonely. You could be alone but not lonely, happy and content in your solitude. You could be in the company of a thousand people and still feel lonely.

However, there are days when alone and lonely coincide. And there are just certain types of loneliness that even the greatest friends or family couldn’t cure. You turn to a power bigger than you for healing, for rescue…but sometimes, you just couldn’t wait anymore.

When the sadness gets too intense, you just eventually reach a point that something, anything, someone, anyone who offers even the slightest chance for rest –if only for this fraction of time when you’re in desperate need to rid yourself of the pain–would do.

Then you spend time with someone you barely know, someone you have zero feelings for. And after having done something you knew from the start you shouldn’t have, you wake up to realizations of "this is the wrong place" and "this is the wrong time" and, worst of all, "this is the wrong person."

Then this horrid, unforgivable, irretractable mistake only serves to reinforce what you have been dreading all along. That, Yes, alone could be lonely, and even the last-ditch solutions you resort to in an effort to alleviate the loneliness only make you end up way lonelier than before.

Anger has been known for its power to drive people to do things they used to think were beyond them. I believe loneliness is just as potent–just as powerful, just as dangerous. It could even be more intoxicating and consuming than anger because it pushes people to hurt the very thing they have been trying to protect all their lives: the self. Anger moves you to cause pain to others but loneliness, on the other hand, impels you to hurt yourself. At its peak, unplanned confessions of yearning and love are blurted out, suicides are committed, hanging out with the bad crowd becomes acceptable, illegal substances are resorted to, insanity made room for…

Loneliness drives people to do the most unimaginable things. And the remorse that follows is just as unimaginable. Unbearable, too. The colossal regret would then make the already alone and lonely, lonelier still.

It is a vicious trap.

Now that’s really, really sad.