My Turf

"You do what you can, where you can, when you can. If you can’t do it, you can’t do it…"

- from Grey’s Anatomy (Dr. Miranda Bailey to Cristina Yang)

In line with my resolve to give help where I could, I asked my long-time friend Yas to take me to CRIBS. I have known way before about her regular visits to the place to give TLC to the abandoned babies there, but I never gave it much serious consideration until recently. I have been realizing more and more that there is happiness to be had in giving care and extending assistance wherever it’s needed. I remember how my job in an NGO about three years ago gave me such high–organizing workshops on capacity-building and training people–that I know that my heart really lies in community work. I am not a wealthy girl, and I know I could not be a philanthropist–not at this point, at least. But I believe there is something I could give and that there are people who urgently need so much that they would take what they could. It is all just a matter of perspective, I guess. One could choose to see the situation as helpless people merely (and begrudgingly) taking scrap from those sordidly handing them leftovers. OR we could look beyond the physical magnitude of what we give, and have faith that our every act has the power to inspire positive change.

I woke up at 8 AM (which is terribly early for a late-sleeper like me, especially on a weekend). I dutifully packed my white shirt and socks as Yas instructed. CRIBS allows visitors twice a day: 9-11 AM and 2-4 PM. Prior to our visit, she already oriented me on the house rules. There was no need to bring toys or gifts because CRIBS enjoys stable funding. The only help they need is giving TLC to the babies since their limited manpower cannot possibly provide this to ALL the babies housed there. However, while you as a visitor are allowed to play with the kids, carrying, cuddling and hugging them are highly discouraged. You would think hugs and kisses are basics when handling babies, but the kids in CRIBS are trained to not expect these things. How awfully sad is that?

When we got to CRIBS, we immediately changed into our white stuff and entered one of the rooms. There were 9 babies with only one caregiver. I immediately felt sorry for her, left to care for all those wailing, squirming babies on her own (and sheesh, I forgot to ask her name!). It was a pretty overwhelming experience. Once inside, the babies–old enough to walk or crawl–just sort of rush toward you-; excited to be carried, excited for a playmate. At their age, they are already very possessive. They easily get jealous of other babies, clamoring for your attention, wanting you all for themselves. Perhaps it is because they already understand that the caring they’d receive from you is for "a limited time only," that they try to get as much as they can. 

It was honestly both a sad and happy encounter for me. I was glad to have been able to play with them, but I couldn’t help feeling sorry for them either. I wonder if the constant coming and going of people is not bad for the kids. Hindi kaya nakakasama sa mga bata yung "now you see me, now you don’t" cycle? O baka kaya 2 hours lang ang oras na binibigay para makipaglaro sa mga bata kasi if you go past this threshold, maa-attach na sila sa’yo eh hindi mo naman sila pwedeng iuwi at alagaan habang buhay.

Still, I resolved to come back next weekend. And the weekend after that. And the weekend after that…

What could you buy with 100 pesos?

My birthday is (ahem!) fast approaching.

Normally, this is a period where the blues start to set in because I am reminded that a) I am getting old; b) I am getting old and I am still single; and c) I am getting old, I am still single, and I am not even wealthy enough to buy material things that could possibly substitute for the absence of a romantic partner. I ask myself why despite all my heart work and hard work, I remain unhappy, and how come a lot of people get what they don’t deserve.

This year is apparently unlike the previous ones, though. I have decided it’s high time I quit comparing myself to others. I don’t have what they have ’cause I’m not them. Period. I could sit around pitying myself and hating others, or I could dance to my own beat and invent my own formula for happiness. The choice is simple, if not downright obvious, really.

After a quick swim at the Marikina Sports Complex yesterday (masaya pala magmaka-sporty doon!), a great idea popped in my head out of the blue: I realized that instead of moping over my life’s misfortunes on my birthday like I usually do, I could organize a bunch of friends and distribute school supplies to kids in poor communities!

Excited over my idea, I hurriedly trooped to a bookstore and checked out the prices. According to the calculations that my limited mathematical ability allowed, 100 pesos would actually be enough to buy notebooks (some decent ones cost only 10.00 each, at hindi naman ito yung may picture ng artista sa cover!), pencils, ballpens, a pad paper and a box of crayons! That means if I am able to collect 100 pesos’ worth of supplies from 50 good-hearted friends– which, praise God, I believe I have a lot of–there would be 50 children who would be going to school standing taller–a little prouder, a little happier. It may not be much, but I guess there is no use measuring significance or judging intentions anyway. 

"WE ARE HEALED TO HELP OTHERS. WE ARE BLESSED TO BE A BLESSING."

My life has been far from easy, but it is not bereft of good things, either. I have been training myself to keep looking for things to be grateful about. I believe that if we are convinced we are living a full life, giving what we can—our time, our talent…whatever it is we feel we have an abundance of!—will no longer seem so difficult. During moments of desolation and discouragement, I simply remind myself that there had been countless times when I needed help and I got it. I just feel that it is now my turn to be on the ‘giving help’ end.

It just has to start somewhere. In my case, I am a positivist. And a self-confessed idealist. And a patriot. I want a better

Philippines

(corny as it may sound, this is the source of the ‘community development’ advocacy that I would like to pursue more deeply). I am aware that this is a very, very tall order, but I think the ‘help and inspire’ trend has an immense potential to take off and fly if more and more people start taking steps toward it. “Start” may mean different things to different people. Start by being nicer to others. Start by fixing your family or your relationships. Start by not being mean to waiters or receptionists or cab drivers. Start by giving TLC to one baby. Start by giving new school supplies to one kid. If we are to bring about better circumstances for our interconnected world and lives, we just have to start.

I am so sick of focusing on my own frailties and failures all the time. What have I been beating up myself for? My non-existent love life. The flabs in my tummy. The wrinkles on my forehead. Zits when I get my period. The bills in my wallet. The few zeroes in my bank account. A cellphone that has been silent all day. An empty email inbox. I’ve been spending way too much energy on such silly worries that I’ve been missing the bigger picture. It is indeed amusing how we rack our brains trying to think of ways to ward off loneliness, wondering why true joy remains elusive, when all around us, chances to make another being happy (and in the process, make us happy as well) abound.

I am no superwoman, but I have resources to contribute. Again: we give what we can, where we can, when we can. If we can’t do it, we can’t do it. But it wouldn’t hurt to try.

We never lose by giving too much (not by loving too much or caring too much, either). We only lose by holding out, wasting precious time waiting for perfect conditions that may never come.