My Turf

Hindi ko pa yata naranasan sa tanang buhay ko ang magalit ng ganon ka-grabe.

Gigil
na gigil ako sa’yo, gusto kong ibato sa’yo lahat ng condiments sa
lamesa, lahat ng bote ng beer, mga kubyertos, plato (lalo na yung hot
plate na pinaglagyan ng pulutan!), tissue holder…Lahat ng tamaan ng
mata ko, gusto kong ihagis sa’yo para itikom mo na ang bibig mo at
tumigil ka na sa kakasalita.

Kwento ka ng kwento tungkol sa bagong babae mo, eh katabi mo lang ako!

"Wag ka ngang papa-halatang apektado ka! Para kang tanga!"
sabi ng isang kaibigang lalakeng nakakaalam ng storya nating dalawa.
Kinorner at kinomfort din ako ng asawa ni Kaibigang Lalake sa CR, kung
saan nagkanda-iyak-iyak ako sa panggagalaiti sa’yo.

"Tangina nya, ano bang problema nya?!"
Hindi ko matangggap na napaka-kapal ng mukha mong magkwento tungkol sa
iyong ‘hapless search for true love’ in my presence. At katabi mo pa
ako. Hindi ko matanggap na napaka-kapal ng mukha mong magparinig–oo,
nagpaparinig ka! Gusto mo lang malaman ang reaksyon ko sa mga sinasabi
mo. The fact na sinasadya mong manakit just so you can feel better about yourself ang pinaka hindi ko matanggap sa lahat. At yun din ang pinaka-masakit.

2 taon na akong hindi humihipo ng sigarilyo bago kita nakilala.

2 buwan matapos nun, chain smoker na ako ulit.

Inutusan
ko ang PA na kuhanin sa waiter ang bill. Tiningnan ko kung magkano ang
kailangan kong i-share. Alam kong sobra-sobra ang naibayad ko, pero
kaso ayaw ng maghintay ng mga luha ko sa sukli.

Huling hithit sa yosi. Sinubsob sa ash tray. Kuha ng bag. Kaway sa mga kasama sa lamesa. "Uuwi ka na?!" gulat na gulat na tanong nila. Hindi na ako sumagot. Bumaba ako sa kubo, lumabas ng bar at pumara ng taxi.

Napansin ko pang humahabol ang 2 pang kaibigang boys. Pero hindi nila nakitang nakasakay na ako.

Hindi
pa man nakalalayo ang taxi, ngumawa na ako ng husto. Nakakaiyak pa lalo ang tugtog ng driver na naka-tune-in yata sa Love Radio (o
baka Yes FM. O Energy FM. Ah, ewan. Magkaka-tunog lang naman ang mga
yun).

Mahigit dalawampung minuto ang drive mula Quezon City
hanggang Pasig. Nasa C5 na ako, hindi pa rin ako tumitigil. At hindi
ito silent crying. Ito ay may sound. May hikbi. Literal na "Hu-hu-hu."

Ilang beses sumilip sa rearview mirror si Manong Taxi.

Hindi na sya naka-tiis.

"O…baket umiiyak?"

Hindi ako sumagot.

"Nakita ko mukha ngang gago sya eh."

Hindi ko naman masabi kay manong na hindi naman si Tarantado ang nakita nyang nakasunod sa akin bago ako sumakay sa taxi nya.

"Gago po talaga sya!" Sabay singhot. Sabay hikbi. Tuloy pa rin ang Hu-hu-hu.

Iiling-iling si Manong Taxi.

"Hindi iniiyakan ang ganong lalake."

Nagpasalamat ako at iniabot sa kanya ang bayad. Pumasok ako ng apartment, humiga sa sofa at umiyak ulit.

Halos 2 buwan na naging refuge ko ang sofa na ito.

Hindi
ako natutulog sa kwarto kasi dinaig pa nito ang Smokey Mountain sa
sobrang dumi. At ayaw ko ring linisin. Ganon pala ang tunay na
depression. Wala akong ganang gumawa ng kahit ano. Wala akong lakas
gumawa ng kahit ano. Lahat nakakatamad. Lahat nakakapagod.

Hindi
madali at hindi mabilis ang proseso ng pagpapagaling. Pero may
katapusan din ito. Mahalaga lang ang prosesong ito para malaman at
maintindihan ko kung ano ang meron ako. At kung ano ang kaya kong
mawala sa akin.

Nakita ko rin na hindi ako pinapabayaan.

Ngayon,
alam ko na. Na kahit may mga nakasakit sa akin, may mga bagong taong
dadating. May mga bagong characters na mai-introduce sa storya. 

Hanggang sa hindi ko namamalayan na okey na pala ‘ko.

Okey na okey na pala ‘ko.

Tama si Manong Taxi. Hindi ka nga dapat iniiyakan.

June 12 is Philippine Independence Day. But to me, it holds more meaning–it is also Jeboy’s birthday.

Jeboy’s one
of the better-looking boys in our high school class. Those dark, round
eyes were his best asset He was among the smartest, too. He seemed to
be the only person who could solve Mrs. Imperial’s Physics problems
without a sweat. He earned the moniker, "Master" because of this. When
we graduated, he was part of the batch’s Top 10. If I remember
correctly, I think he even bagged the "Best in Physics" plum as well.
To top all these off, Jeboy’s multi-talented. He’s good in sports,
could play the guitar well…in short, your classic Jack of All Trades.

We
did not belong to the same tight-knit group, but he and I hit it off
pretty well. After high school, his barkada and mine sort of merged,
and we regularly got together for drinking sessions, billiards, and
countless other gimmicks in places that were popular in the late 90s
(he was also kind enough to indulge my friend, Grace’s invitation to be
part of her debut party’s cotillion de honor! Haha!)

Between
2000-2001, most members of our high school batch got our college
degrees. It no longer came as a surprise to anyone when Jeboy was
licensed as an Electronics and Communications Engineer. When we became
professionals, the gimmicks lessened, but they never stopped. All of
us remained good friends even when we got too busy to hang out with
each other as often as we did when we were students.

Everything’s cool. Everything’s fine and dandy.

 

Wednesday. July 21, 2004

Jeboy and Lymph Node Cancer 
 
Why? Why does a thing like this happen? To a guy who just turned 25 years old? I don’t understand. Honestly, I don’t. 
 

Ang labo 
 
Were
the only words I could mutter when Janolo told me Jeboy was diagnosed
with cancer. I just saw him a few months back! I even remember telling
him, "Taba mo ah!" then giving him a hug. He was so vibrant and healthy
and friggin’ young!
 
Ang
Labo–the only words I could mutter when I learned of the news ’cause
that’s the only fitting description for it: Ang Labo. Ang
labo-labo-labo. 

25
 
The
quarter-life is filled with anxiety…questions about where you’re
headed, the direction that your life has turned, what you have become
and what you would want to be next. It’s a time when you start to worry
about your own finances, health and life insurance, having or not
having a love life, a husband or a wife, being a mother or a father or
being sterile, being a bum or being in a job you hate, taking up
post-graduate studies, religion, your parental and sibling relations,
depression, burn-out, existential questions…BUT NOT DEATH. At 25,
you’re wrestling with numerous other concerns about your life that death
is farthest from your mind. At 25, death should be the last thing
you’re thinking of. With the exception of suicide, of course. But to
die against your will? That sheds an entirely different light on the
issue.
 
Gawd.
 
Jeboy? Threatened by death when he’s just the same age as me? It’s just so fucking frustrating!
 
Life
when you’re 25 should not be about being scared that your own demise
could come any time. It should not be about abrupt endings. It should
not be about saying goodbye to the people you love. It should not be
about waking up everyday wondering, “Today? Will I die today?”   
 
Not fair. At all.
 
It’s not
fair for life to be challenged or threatened by death. Not at 25. Not
at a time when you’re scrambling for opportunities to do all that you
can and want to do.   
 
Living to die. Sick irony. That is all that it is. 

 

 

 

The sick irony ended in 2005, a year after I wrote this entry. When Jeboy passed away on Christmas Day.

 

When
I received the bad news, I could not understand how I felt. It was a
mixture of sadness and guilt and anger and disbelief. I thought he was
getting better? I thought the recent MRIs reflected improvements in his
condition? Didn’t his Dad just leave for another country because he’s
already confident Jeboy’s on his way to becoming fully healed?

 

The
entire time he was sick, I often called him up at his house.
Our conversations would pause for a week or two following his
chemotherapy, but would resume again when I knew he’d have regained
enough energy to talk. They were mostly brief chats because I didn’t
want to tire him out. He sounded faint, but you knew he sincerely
appreciated the regular exchange

 

I
promised Jeboy I’d visit him. When work load’s not so heavy. When I’m
not so busy. I’ll go this weekend. Or maybe the weekend after that.
Don’t worry, Jeboy, you’ll surely get better! We have lots of time. We
have lots of time.

A year after he was diagnosed, he died. On the day Jesus Christ was born, Jeboy died.

  

I read somewhere, “If you’re afraid of someone dying, love them now!”

 

I
wish we all understand that we really do not have as much time on our
hands as we think. Sadly, we often don’t. If we do, there would be no
taking anything or anyone for granted. There would be no
procrastinating or putting off or passing up. There would be no need to
make up for anything or offset or compensate. There would be nothing to
be sorry about or feel remorse for.

 

Love them now. Tell them now. Show them now.

 

There’s really no telling when it’s time.

 

I used to be a shameless,
hardcore, die-hard local basketball fan.

The fanaticism
for the sport began in the late ‘80s, when I fell in love with Shell’s
then-rookie, Benjie Paras. I had clippings of Benjie’s photos from newspapers
and magazines kept in a small security-number protected cashbox. I wrote him
letters, typed on perfumed stationeries using the conventional Ta-ka-tak typewriter. 10 years old and
barely touching 4 feet tall at the time, my admiration for the player was way
bigger than myself.

My Dad was a
huge Añejo/ Ginebra fan then, though. He’d sometimes take us to Ultra to watch
live games. It didn’t take long for me to catch on the team’s, and Robert
Jaworski’s never-say-die spirit. Through my father’s influence, I eventually
turned from a Shell devotee to an Añejo convert.

Rudy Distrito’s
winning lay-up in Game 7 of the 1991 Ginebra win over Shell would forever
remain as one of my all-time favorite basketball memories. 

Then in the
mid-90s, I started high school and got too engrossed in extra-curricular
activities (COCC and Student Council and after-exam-movie gimmicks, and all
that jazz). Basketball took the backseat.

The fanaticism
was back with a vengeance in 1996, though. PBA newbies, Bal David and Marlou
Aquino joined Ginebra. It was a very potent Center-Point combination made ever
stronger with power forward, Noli Locsin and big guard, Vince Hizon (and a very
deep bench to boot). In 1997, Ginebra/ Gordon’s Gin won the championship again,
and I was beside myself with glee.

I was a
freshman in UP in 1996. My love for basketball went beyond the PBA—when I got
to UP, I became an instant UP Maroons fan! And, as luck would have it, my
closest friends from my freshman block were crazy over basketball as well!

UP
was never known to be a basketball powerhouse (unlike UST or  La Salle back in the mid-90s). However, the Maroons lineup
in 1996 did not disappoint. They even managed to wind up in the Final Four, I
think. I could still remember the main players: Paolo Mendoza, Allan
Gamboa, Bryan Gahol, Bing Victoria, Dexter Racho, Ogie Gumatay. Their coach
then was Eric Altamirano, before he was replaced by Nick Jorge in 1997 or ’98.

My friends and
I closely followed the games (and the players!). After class, even though none
of us had cars then, we would ride the UP-Katipunan jeep and head to Ateneo to
watch the games. During big matches, we’d troop all the way to Araneta Coliseum
or Rizal Stadium in Taft just to cheer the UP team. Being freshmen, our classes
were mostly in AS (except for Kasaysayan 2 in Asian Center,
and of course, our PE classes). But since the players were mostly sophomores,
we’d often see them, too! We memorized the floors and times when there were
‘player sightings’ and casually pass by, hoping to catch a glimpse. Some
players were frat members or part of the ‘sosyal’ crowd, and would often
be seen hanging out at the AS lobby (this was where all the coño people
usually hung out then). My friends and I would walk back and forth in the
lobby, giggling and whispering as we stole guilty glances at the burly fellows
seated on the benches. All we talked about was basketball, basketball,
basketball! I don’t know how we managed to do it, but we somehow got hold of
some of the Maroons’ home numbers and, like lovesick idiots, actually called
them up! We’d give fake names and fake reasons for calling. We’d ring their
phones, listen to their voices and hang up. In our first barkada Christmas
party, we called up a player and took turns talking to him! The guy
indulged, praise heavens. But I still cringe to this day when I remember that
night. Shameless fanaticism, all right! 

During the
first semester of my second year, I took Cheerleading for my PE. Oh no,
no, no, don’t get me wrong! In UP, Cheer Dancing is different from
Cheerleading. Cheerleading is the PE class where the only physical task you
have to perform is to bring yourself to wherever the UP team is playing, and
have a pep squad member sign your ticket. That’s it! Boy, did I ace that
subject. I watched almost all of the Maroons’ games during this UAAP season!

And here is a
very fantastic event. I used to work as a cashier in Jollibee-Philcoa. During
one night shift, I was flabbergasted to see THE Paolo Mendoza walking towards
the counter. I swear I could actually feel my mouth dropping wide open as he
approached. But that is far from being the best part of the story.

The best part
of the story is Paolo was soon joined by another Maroon. And another. And
another. Then some of the coaching staff. All of them, standing in front of me,
looking at the products listed overhead, giving me their orders. I probably
looked like a total fool, smiling from ear to ear as I filled soft drink cups
and called out orders to the kitchen crew and arranged fries and burgers on the
tray. That was perhaps the biggest single transaction I ever handled in my
Jollibee career (career daw, o!). And it was hands-down the most delightful!

When I shifted
from Economics to Broadcast Communication during second sem of 1997,
I’d often see the players in the Masscomm building (a handful of
them were Film majors). Unfortunately, my interest in basketball-watching had
waned significantly. My focus shifted from basketball to my college org,
Broad Ass, and my my major subjects. Add to that the cumbersome fact
that the UP Maroons started having more losses than wins. The
situation has remained sad ever since.

Even now in my
late 20s, I admit I am still hoping for a UP championship. There are
days when I’d wish I was in UP during the late 80s when the Maroons, led
by Ronnie Magsanoc, Benjie Paras and Eric Altamirano, lorded it over all
other teams and won the UAAP cup. I long for the day when UP would also
be known for its brawn and not just for its brains. I could still
recall how we’d (in all bitterness!) shout at students from other
schools during games when UP’s obviously about to lose, ‘Quiz Bee na lang! Hahaha. Such
is the UP bravado. Talo na nga, ang yabang pa rin. Or nakakahanap pa rin
ng rason para mag-yabang.

Still, I could imagine
that  very, very few things could bring me more elation other than
singing, UP Naming Mahal, in a
match that UP actually won. I thought Marvin Cruz could lead UP to the
championship. Sadly, the team fell short, but, as I said, I’m not yet done
hoping.

I never
imagined that a childhood passion would make my college life a whole lot more
interesting. On a deeper, more significant level, it was through love for
basketball that I met the best friends I still keep to this day. If only for
the wonderful friendship and memories I stumbled upon through the sport, I
could honestly claim that basketball defined more than half of my UP stay. Yes,
even if most events occured as I watched on the sidelines.

I guess the
line that goes, “Life’s a ball” holds more meaning for me than I could ever
begin to explain.

 

1. From Counting Crows’ Raining in Baltimore: “But what would you change if you could?”

Yeah, what would you change if you could?

2. They say if you want something badly enough, think about it often enough, visualize it strongly enough, work hard enough for it, that it is already yours. That a concentrated, unfaltering combination of passion, faith and effort would be able to bring that which you desire from the realm of possibilities to the realm of realities.

But what if two or more people are wishing for the exact same thing—wanting it with the same level of intensity, the same longing, the same yearning, exerting an equal amount of effort towards it–whose wish would be granted?

How are winners chosen and how should losers cope?

No one could fault you for being bitter and angry and just devastated if you don’t get what you’ve set your heart on for so long. More so if the prize goes to someone you think is far less deserving.

But then again, who decides who deserves what?

3. Who ever said our own our salvation lies in other people’s hands?

4. Eh baket ka naniwala agad? Tanga ka kasi eh. Atat ka masyado. Alam mo na ngang nanloloko lang eh…

Usapang pag-ibig. Nakakatuwang pruweba na may mga lalake pa rin palang hind nagpapadala sa kaba…

Masarap pala makipag-palitan ng kuro-kuro tungkol sa lablayp (existing or imagined, even over an unfeeling electronic medium such as Yahoo Messenger ) sa gitna ng tambak na deadlines.

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:55:21 PM): te che may tanong ako

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:58:14 PM): po?

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:58:19 PM): basta wag math

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:58:20 PM): haha

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:58:21 PM): loko lang

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:58:40 PM): heheh

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:58:46 PM): ano yun

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:58:56 PM): pag nagmahal ka ba, as in solid?

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:59:03 PM): in general ba ganon ang girls?

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:59:06 PM): o ikaw na lang

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:59:07 PM): heheh

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:59:11 PM): di ko alam kung in general

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:59:16 PM): pero marami akong kilalang ganon

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:59:18 PM): ahh

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:59:18 PM): at kasama ako don

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:59:19 PM):

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:59:20 PM): nice

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:59:21 PM):

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:59:39 PM): elaboreyt

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:59:40 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:59:40 PM): ang alam ko, maraming lalaking ganon din.

pero di nila pinapakita

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:59:44 PM): hmmm…

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 3:59:46 PM): ahhhh

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:59:50 PM): define mo ano ang solid sayo

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 3:59:59 PM): most girls kasi tend to ba makulit pag in lab

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:00:02 PM): text ng text

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:00:05 PM): tawag ng tawag

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:00:07 PM): ganun

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:00:07 PM): ahhh…

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:00:10 PM): ako kasi ganun eh

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:00:11 PM): haha

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:00:18 PM): tapos, aawayin ang boypren pag di

nagreply agad

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:00:21 PM): pero yung view sa relationship ng girls

shempre iba iba noh?

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:00:23 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:00:45 PM): kasi, feeling mo, he doesnt love you as

much as you love him. praning ka pag parang di ka nami-miss kasi hindi nangangamusta

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:00:47 PM): haha

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:00:55 PM): eh di naman talaga mahilig sa ganun ang

guys, di ba?

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:00:56 PM):

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:01:09 PM): nakow

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:01:11 PM): at baket ka naman napatanong ha?

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:01:11 PM):

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:01:26 PM): kasi te che pakiramdam ko sobrang

nalululong ako sa kanya eh

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:01:27 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:01:31 PM): AWWWW

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:01:34 PM): that’s SO SWEET

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:01:38 PM): wala ka bang clone

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:01:38 PM): classified to te che ha

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:01:38 PM):

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:01:41 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:01:51 PM): kuya na mas matanda sayo (malamang,

kuya nga eh!)

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:01:56 PM): na pwede mo ipa-date sa akin

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:01:57 PM): hahaha

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:02:00 PM): haaay

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:02:04 PM): ang sweet naman nun

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:02:06 PM):

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:02:12 PM): heheheh sorry te che ha

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:02:13 PM): eh ano namang masama dun sa

nararamdaman mo?

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:02:14 PM): kung baduy

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:02:16 PM): hmmm

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:02:27 PM): ayoko lang mawala sya talaga te che

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:02:36 PM): baket naman sya mawawala?

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:02:42 PM): wala lang

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:02:46 PM): hay

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:02:46 PM): well, wag ka lang masyadon seloso at

possessiv

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:02:47 PM): sorry te che

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:02:50 PM): possessive

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:02:55 PM): ayaw nyo ba yun?

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:02:56 PM): may mga taong ayaw ng kinukulit

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:03:00 PM): ahh hehehe

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:03:01 PM): ako, ganun ako

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:03:02 PM): oks lang

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:03:03 PM):

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:03:05 PM): la naman ako problema

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:03:09 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:03:09 PM): lalo pag sinabi ko na busy lang

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:03:14 PM): tapos mangungulit ka!

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:03:16 PM):

sana

maramdaman nya na mahal na mahal ko

sya noh

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:03:17 PM): di kita papansinin lalo

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:03:18 PM): hahaha

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:03:22 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:03:27 PM): im sure she knows that

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:03:44 PM): and im sure being the creative person that

you are, naipaparamdam mo sa kanya ng husto yun

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:03:45 PM):

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:03:46 PM): hindi ko kasi mapakita yung nararamdaman

ko te che

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:03:56 PM): baket mo naman nasabi yan?

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:04:01 PM): parang parating may gusto akong gawin na

something for her

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:04:03 PM): di natatapos

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:04:07 PM): awww

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:04:15 PM): nonstop eh

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:04:24 PM): swerte naman ng babaeng yan!

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:04:25 PM): hahaha

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:04:29 PM): nyay

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:04:29 PM): hahah

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:04:31 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:04:35 PM): sweet naman sya sayo?

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:04:38 PM): or di sya ganun?

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:04:52 PM): sweetest

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:04:55 PM): awwww

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:04:56 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:04:59 PM): eh yun naman pala eh

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:05:03 PM): pero iba lang kasi siguro

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:05:09 PM): natatakot ka lang sa intensity ng

nararamdaman mo

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:05:14 PM): kasi baka iba tayo magpakahulugan ng sweet

eh

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:05:14 PM): heheh

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:05:21 PM): maaaring di ka pa na-inlab dati ng ganyan

kagrabe

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:05:23 PM): huy

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:05:29 PM): intimacy eh hindi naman palaging sweet

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:05:36 PM): ALAM KO TE CHE

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:05:40 PM): minsan, may intimacy na just for the sake

getting it over with

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:05:40 PM): WALA AKONG SINABI AH

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:05:41 PM):

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:05:41 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:05:42 PM): hahaha

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:05:46 PM): defensive ba ko

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:05:50 PM): hahah!

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:05:51 PM): pero pagkatapos, di naman pleasant

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:05:52 PM): gulat nga ko eh

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:05:54 PM): yun

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:05:55 PM): hahaha

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:05:58 PM):

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:06:07 PM): te che mahal ko talaga

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:06:09 PM): solid

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:06:11 PM): awwww

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:06:16 PM): that’s great!

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:06:17 PM): as in

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:06:30 PM): hindi lahat ng tao, nagkakaron ng

pagkakataong magmahal ng sobra

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:06:32 PM): hay

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:06:32 PM): AT

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:06:38 PM): maswerte ka dahil minamahal ka din

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:06:49 PM): the same person loves you just as much

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:06:50 PM): ang swerte ko nga tinanggap nya ako

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:06:58 PM): sobrang konti lang ng mga ganyang storya

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:07:09 PM): pero te che kahit anong mangyari, alam ko

mahal na mahal ko sya

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:07:20 PM): hindi ko nga dati iniisip kung tatanggapin nya

ako

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:07:38 PM): basta naipaparamdam ko kung gano sya

kahalaga sakin saka kung gano ako kasaya sa kanya

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:08:45 PM): haaaaayyyy

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:08:46 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:08:50 PM): good for you!

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:08:56 PM): salamat te che

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:08:59 PM): im so happy that you’re feeling that way

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:09:03 PM): at hindi ka ‘holdout’

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:09:08 PM): yung takot bumigay ng todo

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:09:16 PM): ahhh

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:09:16 PM): kasi takot na baka

mali

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:09:20 PM): nyay

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:09:23 PM): hindi te che

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:09:24 PM): o baka hindi ‘fair’

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:09:29 PM): ah hahaha

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:09:31 PM): de wla yun

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:09:37 PM): kung ano lang yung pagmamahal na

nakukuha, yun lang ang ibibigay

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:09:41 PM): maraming ganon noh

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:09:54 PM): alam mo kasi te che

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:10:13 PM): sa tingin ko, more than enough na sya para

mahalin ko at mahalin, parang hindi na kailangan pa na gumawa sya ng something

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:10:16 PM): parang ganon kasi..

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:10:32 PM): yung pagiging SIYA more than enough na

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:10:36 PM): hay

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:10:40 PM): naaasar ako sayo

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:10:43 PM): ang sweet mo msyado!

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:10:44 PM): more than enoug reason na mahalin

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:10:45 PM): hahaha

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:10:47 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:11:04 PM): isa kang mapalad na nilalang

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:11:06 PM): hehehe

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:11:08 PM):

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:11:15 PM): ipo-post ko sa blog ko tong chat natin ha

SIOPAO (5/15/2008 4:11:22 PM): NYAY!

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:11:25 PM): itatago na lang kita sa pangalang SIOPAO

Che Ingles (5/15/2008 4:11:26 PM): hahaha

"You do what you can, where you can, when you can. If you can’t do it, you can’t do it…"

- from Grey’s Anatomy (Dr. Miranda Bailey to Cristina Yang)

In line with my resolve to give help where I could, I asked my long-time friend Yas to take me to CRIBS. I have known way before about her regular visits to the place to give TLC to the abandoned babies there, but I never gave it much serious consideration until recently. I have been realizing more and more that there is happiness to be had in giving care and extending assistance wherever it’s needed. I remember how my job in an NGO about three years ago gave me such high–organizing workshops on capacity-building and training people–that I know that my heart really lies in community work. I am not a wealthy girl, and I know I could not be a philanthropist–not at this point, at least. But I believe there is something I could give and that there are people who urgently need so much that they would take what they could. It is all just a matter of perspective, I guess. One could choose to see the situation as helpless people merely (and begrudgingly) taking scrap from those sordidly handing them leftovers. OR we could look beyond the physical magnitude of what we give, and have faith that our every act has the power to inspire positive change.

I woke up at 8 AM (which is terribly early for a late-sleeper like me, especially on a weekend). I dutifully packed my white shirt and socks as Yas instructed. CRIBS allows visitors twice a day: 9-11 AM and 2-4 PM. Prior to our visit, she already oriented me on the house rules. There was no need to bring toys or gifts because CRIBS enjoys stable funding. The only help they need is giving TLC to the babies since their limited manpower cannot possibly provide this to ALL the babies housed there. However, while you as a visitor are allowed to play with the kids, carrying, cuddling and hugging them are highly discouraged. You would think hugs and kisses are basics when handling babies, but the kids in CRIBS are trained to not expect these things. How awfully sad is that?

When we got to CRIBS, we immediately changed into our white stuff and entered one of the rooms. There were 9 babies with only one caregiver. I immediately felt sorry for her, left to care for all those wailing, squirming babies on her own (and sheesh, I forgot to ask her name!). It was a pretty overwhelming experience. Once inside, the babies–old enough to walk or crawl–just sort of rush toward you-; excited to be carried, excited for a playmate. At their age, they are already very possessive. They easily get jealous of other babies, clamoring for your attention, wanting you all for themselves. Perhaps it is because they already understand that the caring they’d receive from you is for "a limited time only," that they try to get as much as they can. 

It was honestly both a sad and happy encounter for me. I was glad to have been able to play with them, but I couldn’t help feeling sorry for them either. I wonder if the constant coming and going of people is not bad for the kids. Hindi kaya nakakasama sa mga bata yung "now you see me, now you don’t" cycle? O baka kaya 2 hours lang ang oras na binibigay para makipaglaro sa mga bata kasi if you go past this threshold, maa-attach na sila sa’yo eh hindi mo naman sila pwedeng iuwi at alagaan habang buhay.

Still, I resolved to come back next weekend. And the weekend after that. And the weekend after that…

What could you buy with 100 pesos?

My birthday is (ahem!) fast approaching.

Normally, this is a period where the blues start to set in because I am reminded that a) I am getting old; b) I am getting old and I am still single; and c) I am getting old, I am still single, and I am not even wealthy enough to buy material things that could possibly substitute for the absence of a romantic partner. I ask myself why despite all my heart work and hard work, I remain unhappy, and how come a lot of people get what they don’t deserve.

This year is apparently unlike the previous ones, though. I have decided it’s high time I quit comparing myself to others. I don’t have what they have ’cause I’m not them. Period. I could sit around pitying myself and hating others, or I could dance to my own beat and invent my own formula for happiness. The choice is simple, if not downright obvious, really.

After a quick swim at the Marikina Sports Complex yesterday (masaya pala magmaka-sporty doon!), a great idea popped in my head out of the blue: I realized that instead of moping over my life’s misfortunes on my birthday like I usually do, I could organize a bunch of friends and distribute school supplies to kids in poor communities!

Excited over my idea, I hurriedly trooped to a bookstore and checked out the prices. According to the calculations that my limited mathematical ability allowed, 100 pesos would actually be enough to buy notebooks (some decent ones cost only 10.00 each, at hindi naman ito yung may picture ng artista sa cover!), pencils, ballpens, a pad paper and a box of crayons! That means if I am able to collect 100 pesos’ worth of supplies from 50 good-hearted friends– which, praise God, I believe I have a lot of–there would be 50 children who would be going to school standing taller–a little prouder, a little happier. It may not be much, but I guess there is no use measuring significance or judging intentions anyway. 

"WE ARE HEALED TO HELP OTHERS. WE ARE BLESSED TO BE A BLESSING."

My life has been far from easy, but it is not bereft of good things, either. I have been training myself to keep looking for things to be grateful about. I believe that if we are convinced we are living a full life, giving what we can—our time, our talent…whatever it is we feel we have an abundance of!—will no longer seem so difficult. During moments of desolation and discouragement, I simply remind myself that there had been countless times when I needed help and I got it. I just feel that it is now my turn to be on the ‘giving help’ end.

It just has to start somewhere. In my case, I am a positivist. And a self-confessed idealist. And a patriot. I want a better

Philippines

(corny as it may sound, this is the source of the ‘community development’ advocacy that I would like to pursue more deeply). I am aware that this is a very, very tall order, but I think the ‘help and inspire’ trend has an immense potential to take off and fly if more and more people start taking steps toward it. “Start” may mean different things to different people. Start by being nicer to others. Start by fixing your family or your relationships. Start by not being mean to waiters or receptionists or cab drivers. Start by giving TLC to one baby. Start by giving new school supplies to one kid. If we are to bring about better circumstances for our interconnected world and lives, we just have to start.

I am so sick of focusing on my own frailties and failures all the time. What have I been beating up myself for? My non-existent love life. The flabs in my tummy. The wrinkles on my forehead. Zits when I get my period. The bills in my wallet. The few zeroes in my bank account. A cellphone that has been silent all day. An empty email inbox. I’ve been spending way too much energy on such silly worries that I’ve been missing the bigger picture. It is indeed amusing how we rack our brains trying to think of ways to ward off loneliness, wondering why true joy remains elusive, when all around us, chances to make another being happy (and in the process, make us happy as well) abound.

I am no superwoman, but I have resources to contribute. Again: we give what we can, where we can, when we can. If we can’t do it, we can’t do it. But it wouldn’t hurt to try.

We never lose by giving too much (not by loving too much or caring too much, either). We only lose by holding out, wasting precious time waiting for perfect conditions that may never come.

Mapayapa akong nagba-bloghop kahapon, nang may mabasa akong entry mula sa isang nag-ngingitngit na blogger. Tungkol ito sa isa na namang kontrobersyal na artikulong sinulat ni (who else?) Malu Fernandez–the same writer who, in a pathetic effort to be witty and funny (and failing miserably, if I may add)–dissed the OFWs and never heard the end of it.

Bago niyo ipagpatuloy ang pagbabasa ng blog entry na ito, paki-paraanan muna ang mga katawa-tawa at kaasar-asar na pinagsasasabi ng nasabing awtor sa Manila Standard Today article na ito.

Nabasa mo na? Ayos. At least pare-parehas na nating naiintindihan kung bakit talagang nakakapanginig ng laman ang mga bagong patutsada ng babaeng ito.

Una nyang binanatan eh yung mga bloggers na hirit daw ng hirit tapos ayaw namang magpakilala. Sabay nagmaka-defensive pa at sinabing ang "angst" (na pilit nyang itinatago, pero umaalingasaw pa rin!) nya towards bloggers ay wala naman daw kaugnayan doon sa libo-libong humirit sa kanya dahil sa sinulat niya noon about the OFWs. Naiinis lang daw sya sa mga tao who "write under false names or anonymity." Period. Yeah right, Malu. Sure.

Malu wrote about the bloggers:

"…first of all I believe in the freedom of speech. By all means say what you need to say. Unfortunately for most of the bloggers without advertising you get paid nothing. If in fact you do get paid then hooray for you. But blogging, aside from Perez Hilton and the other big time bloggers (you know who you are) is for me a slacker job or a medium and pastime for lonely people to connect. Unless you’re in bloody Siberia or in a Gulag prison, try stepping outside your comfort zone and turn off the laptop or pc, you just might find some real live people to talk to instead of typing away in cyber space."

A medium and pastime for lonely people to connect?! What an absurd, rude, reckless comment! How could such a generalization be made about the budding blogging community? Honestly speaking, the most interesting people I know keep blogs–these are men and women who live exceptional lives and who also happen to have exceptional talent in writing as well. There is NO WAY you could have any subject to write about if you do not have anything of interest to say–if you are merely "typing away in cyberspace" but do not really have any life to speak of, there would be no stories to tell, no people to write about, no experiences to share, no opinion to express…in short, no blog entry. Personally, since I started blogigng a couple of years back, I noticed that I have become more conscious of the details whenever I find myself in a new surrounding or with new people, because I want to write about the experience in my blog as accurately as I could. I write blogs not because I have nothing better to do (or because I am lonely, unable to get out of my comfort zone or have no ‘real live people’ to socialize with). I write blogs because I have a lot of these things and I want to tell others about it.      

The reason why blogging has become a major hit among people from all ages is because it is an effective medium for a free-sharing of ideas. Bloggers learn from each others’ accounts of actual experiences. Through blogging, the world has become smaller–less scary, less intimidating, less overwhelming–because you know that somewhere out there is someone who shares the same fears, the same hope and longing, the same feelings of elation or of anger or loneliness. You find out about stories you otherwise never would have learned about, you meet people you otherwise never would have met. On the web, each of us shares almost equal space–there is no such thing as a louder voice that could drown out everyone else’s (sadly, some governments and institutions have found ways to curtail this freedom, but this issue does not belong in this entry). New avenues of expression, understanding , acceptance, and celebration of each others’ similarities and differences have opened up, and almost everyone with Internet access are free to read up and join in. Blogging has made all these possible.

Tapos, right after the paragraph I quoted above, bigla naman kumambyo itong si Malu at sinabing:

On the flipside blogging can be a good source of information and a great way to exchange ideas. This I strongly encourage whether it is about politics, fashion, food or whatever topic you may choose. Friendly and healthy discussions are always great.

Ang gulo-gulo mo! Ang writing mo, hija, walang coherence of thought! Sinumulan ang article sa pangungutya sa mga bloggers, sabay babawiin at sasabihing she "strongly encourages" the use of blogging as an information source and a way for people to exchange ideas! Ano ba kasi talaga ang gusto mong iparating? Baket ba nabibigyan ng espasyo sa magazines at dyaryo ang ganitong klaseng writer?!

May isa pa syang banat na talagang gusto ko syang hagilapin para ipakain ko sa kanya ang printout ng sarili nyang article! Eto:

Perhaps it is the Filipino culture to foster backstabbing because they never mean what they say face to face. Just how many times have you dealt with co-workers who will smile in your face when you ask them to perform a task or engage in just plain conversation, when in fact they are quite uncomfortable with the situation and are forced to do what they absolutely detest with a smiling face. I guess it’s the kind of culture brought about by 300 years of Spanish colonization. To one particular blogger of Spanish descent but with an Indio face, don’t act like a peninsulares and quote Spanish words from the generation of your abuelita… jeez and they call me elitist. The Spanish rule is over, get over yourself and your Español relatives who used to have power… but I digress (oops, my bad…)

Una sa lahat, I call that "politeness," not backstabbing. Just reacting without giving its repercussions any thought–like what Malu seems to have a knack at doing–is tactlessness and carelessness, not honesty. At sige ha, tawagin mo pa ang Pilipinong ‘Indio!’ Hindi ka talaga nag-iisip! Ano ba ang ‘Indio’ face ha?! Ibagay mo nga yung pananalita mo sa sarili mo ha…

Hindi ko lang talaga maintindihan kung baket ba parang hiyang-hiya siya sa kapwa Pilipino, sa mga asal at pananalita nila, eh yung pagsasabi nya kaya ng masasama tungkol sa mga kababayan natin, ang pag-tutuligsa sa kapwa–hindi ba yun ang mas kahiya-hiya?!

It’s just like all this hullabaloo about ousting GMA. You deposed ERAP in Edsa Dos. Now you’re unhappy with his replacement. Make up your minds. (For the record I’m not pro anybody I’m pro whatever lesser evil is out there). You can’t overthrow one president then decide you made a mistake with your second choice. I’s not like buying a green Hermes bag and suddenly deciding, oops I should have gotten the black one instead. Unfortunately that’s the kind of nation we have become, a bunch of wishy-washy whiners who whine about everything under the sun and found the blog sphere to be the new medium for whining. Yes we do what we have to do as a nation to get things done and stop corruption and evil (I’m all for that) but we never seem to be happy with what we have, hence the complaining and whining. It just never stops.

Tsk.Tsk. Tsk.

Such irresponsible, baseless, biased, self-serving writing. And you have the gall to call yourself a journalist.

Nakatanggap ako ng email na naghahanap daw ang i-Witness ng 80 participants for a docu-making workshop. Syempre, kumahog naman ako para mag-submit ng aking application. Unang hakbang sa katuparan ng pangarap maging docu filmmaker!

Kasama sa requirements ang 400-800-word essay about your "Favorite i-Witness episode." Dahil hindi ako nakakapanood ng TV, bumili na lang ako ng DVD ni Kara David para may maisulat ako sa aking essay.

Maraming maganda sa collection na iyon. Nagustuhan ko rin ang kanyang episode na, "Sa Mga Mata ni Ekang." Pero pinaka-panalo para sa akin ang "Gamu-gamo sa Dilim."

Gusto ko lang ibahagi ang essay na ipinasa ko sa i-Witness (saka halos dalawang buwan na akong walang blog entry, so ito na muna for now). Ipagdasal nyong sana makasama ako sa workshop na ito.

____________________________________________________

I was down with the flu for about a week. The upside, though, is that it left me with a lot of time to finish the books I bought in the previous months but never had the chance to read.

Among the favorites (I recommend you read these, too!): 1) Malcolm Gladwell’s Tipping Point , 2) Kahled Hosseini’s Kite Runner, and 3) David Oliver Relin and Greg Mortensons’ Three Cups of Tea.

1) I first read Gladwell’s Blink before I got a copy of Tipping Point. I have belatedly realized that I enjoy reading books on psychology and human behavior. A striking idea from Tipping Point is that of Channel Capacity. It says that there is a limit to the amount of information–as well as emotions and feelings–that the human mind can effectively process. Once we pass a certain boundary, we become overwhelmed. No wonder there is a limit to the number of people we could be really, really close to (or, in Gladwell’s words, count the number of people whose deaths would really deveastate you, and you’d realize that there aren’t a lot). As in processing raw information, attachment and emotional involvement could be very exhausting, so there really is a threshold to the number of things or people we could truly, truly care for.

Another interesting point he worte about is that of Transactive Memory System. Given the fact that the amount of feelings we could store is limited, each of learn to rely on some sort of "external memory," meaning, part of intimacy with another individual is that we leave some things up for him or her to remember for us. For example, in a couple, certain types of information are left to the one who is "best suited to remember what kinds of things." Perhaps, the man counts on the woman to remember the dates or places or people’s names, while the man is relied upon to know how to repair this or that. Now here is Gladwell’s interesting illustration of the process: "Divorced people who suffer depression and complain of cognitive dysfunction may be expressing the loss of their external memory systems. They once were able to discuss their experiences to reach a shared understanding, they once could count on access to a wide range of storage in their partner…and this too is gone. THE LOSS OF TRANSACTIVE MEMORY FEELS LIKE LOSING A PART OF ONE’S MIND."

2) Favorite lines from The Kite Runner

"Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Or it was meant to not be. The loss was hard–it always hurts more to have and lose, than to not have in the first place."

"I’m so afraid–because I’m so profoundly happy. Happiness like this is frightening. They only let you be this happy if they’re preparing to take something from you."

"It was only a smile, nothing more. It didn’t make everything all right. It didn’t make anything all right. Only a smile. A tiny thing. A leaf in the woods, shaking in the wake of a startled bird’s flight. But I’ll take it. With open arms. Because when spring comes, it melts the snow one flake at a time. And maybe I just witnessed the first flake melting."

Eto ang pinaka-panalo, pinaka-paborito, pinaka-sapul:

"I slipped the picture back where I had found it. Then I realized something: that last thought brought no sting with it. Closing Sohrab’s door, I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded. NOT WITH THE FANFARE OF EPIPHANY, BUT WITH PAIN GATHERING ITS THINGS, PACKING UP, AND SLIPPING AWAY UNANNOUNCED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT."

____________________________

Yes, yes.

We stop being angry when it no longer hurts.

When we wake up one day and we realize that the pain is, well, gone. It disappeared without us knowing it.

And when we’re no longer angry, we forgive.

Then we’re liberated from it all–the hurt, the anger, the guilt…

Have faith.

One day, it would just gather its things, pack up and slip away unnoticed…

And you’ll be–surprisingly, but delightfully so–okay again.

One thing I LOVE about taking photos is that it makes you pay attention to details you normally do not take much notice of. I am no pro (although I do fantasize about being able to take professional photos a lot), but I sure get such high in seeing an object or a scene that has the colors, the composition, the grandeur or subtlety of a great photograph.

A favorite project I did last year was for the Japan Foundation. It was a documentary on the works of modern Filipino artists such as Edades, Francisco, Ocampo and Manansala. Prior to doing it, I never had much interest in mural art or sculptures. It was only when we were shooting, when I took really close looks at each of them, was I able to appreciate their beauty as well as the genius and hard work put into them by their majestic makers. 

I found it a little sad, though, that it’s people from other countries who recognize–and, to this day, celebrate–the talent of the Filipino artist. Even in international contemporary art books, you’d find the works of the artists whose names I mentioned above. In fact, when this AVP we did on Philippine Cubism was played in France, our contact from the Japan Foundation gleefully told me that people were actually inquiring how they could place orders for the video!

After shooting, I realized just how heartbreaking the evident neglect we’ve shown for these works is. Admittedly, I wouldn’t have understood all this had our team not been commissioned by JF to do this project. If not for this project, I wouldn’t have known that these pieces stood in those places, rotting, wasting away, forgotten.

Here are a couple of examples (pics taken by moi with my digi cam, so pardon the not-so-good quality. Hehehe). Just click to enlarge.

           

      

   The now dilapidated Capitol Theater in Manila

  This is not a work from our artists. Just some old building with its walls ripped off.

In the ’70s, Imelda Marcos commissioned modernist painters to "beautify" Manila. Some works were blown up into murals and painted into firewalls, water tanks, and other urban spaces. This is one of those water tanks. Now barely recognizable as a work of art.

 

The beauty stands in the midst of old houses, tangled wires, and shanties.

This is where the "art work" stands now.

Oh yes, there is a family living under the water tank. With them in the picture is National Museum’s Dr. Patrick Flores. And their doggie.

‘Bantay’ in oblivion…

Eto, isang maikling addendum lang. Hindi gaanong related, pero related na rin. Nakakatawang-nakakaasar. Na nakakalungkot at nakaka-bahala. Doon sa isang taping ng National Quiz Bee, sa Easy Round, tinanong ang mga Elementary level contestants kung sino ang bayaning nasa 50 peso bill. Alam niyo ang pangalang isinulat nila sa kanilang answer boards? Karamihan ay Manuel Quezon. Ang iba ay Manuel Roxas. Siguro sa halos 20 contestants, isa o dalawa lang ang sumagot ng tama, na Sergio Osmeña.  O di ba?  Pera natin yan. Hinahawakan at ginagamit araw-araw. At hindi mo kilala kung kaninong mukha ang nandoon? Nakakatawang-nakakaasar. Na nakakalungkot at nakaka-bahala.

Hindi na ba talaga kilala ng mga nakababatang henerasyon ang kanilang mga bayani, ang mga National Artists, mga magagaling na mangangatha at manunulat? Ako yata, hindi ko rin sila kilala…

Tsk. Kaya naman pala pati tayo nahihirapang maniwala sa sarili nating galing.

Kasi hindi na natin alam kung kanino tayo galing.